My brothers would go hunting and
fishing it was their way of contributing to the family meals yeah right more
like there way of getting away from doing anything around the home. They always
came home with something, even if it was only an eel or two squiggly things
water snakes I called them. We loved the meat it was our protein fix for the
week money wasn’t easy to earn jobs were few and hard to find. Anyone who was
working was privileged to have a job no matter what it was, daddy favourite
saying beggars can’t be choosers he was right. Fishing and hunting was a talent
that took time to learn. I had no interest until much later on after all I was
much too young I would have probably eaten the bait never mind catch anything. The
brothers would get up to all sorts but couldn’t do a thing wrong if you know
what I mean Irish boys and their mothers were like cheese and crackers. When
mammy would say something to them they listened for the fear of god was in them.
This didn’t stop them when they chose to go off for a wander down the fields
when it took their fancy , I used to think its not fair they get to do what
they like I am here not able to go anywhere . Uncle tom looked so much like
granddad same build was to have the bald patch later on too pipe would have
been a favourite of his too but not at this time .We were to see another side
to Tom later on that would devide the family for a time . Auntie Mary, Eliza ,
Dorrie were characters in themselves Mary been the eldest very lady like I
would be compared to her a lot in the future which wouldn’t bother me one bit
she was someone to be admired for lots of reasons . Eliza was the quiet gentle
caring lady wouldn’t talk too much but loved to work. Dorrie was the auntie I
only knew from the pictures we have of her a saint I believe she was the most
gentle natured person always a giver never a taker. We always believed god took
her because he needed her more than we did I would of loved to of met her how
interesting she must have been the storied tell a thousand tales. My sister
Laura reminds me of her character wise, gentle, giving, caring always looking
after others needs before her own. I was so young when Dorrie passed away maybe
I was saved from that heartache. I always like to think she is watching from
heaven and guiding us through the right paths in life .
The sadness was to stay
in our family tree for sometime as nanny’s death followed a mere three years
after auntie Dorries death how our hearts plunged into a deep dark hole once
again even tough I was only three I could feel the emptiness and the suffering
of others and myself I cried out for her like a baby I suppose. It’s like we
know something not quiet right and the gap is just there. TRICKLING tears ran down my face like rain
drops on the window after a shower of rain but they were salty like sea water
and felt so harsh on my delicate skin its like they were taring away at it like
a sculpture does at stone . I felt the emptiness in my bones and so did my
mother hers was gone and here was mine trying to be her usual hardened self
.We could see the wall building up around her and the fake smile that
covered the heartache of her broken mind and body . All the family gathered in
the family room clocks were covered time stood still people would come from
miles to pay their respects to our family sure they didn’t know what to say would
any of us only how sorry they were . The
priests stood there sipping tea and consoling everyone with a hanky. But all to
no avail sure wasn’t this the saddest day ever for us all we had lost the
building block the stone , that kept us all together and them stones were
falling one by one in our family . Mammy
sat beside nanny brushing her hair and kissing her cheek as did all my aunties
in turn no one left her on their own as if she was still breathing. The men
were like broken down machines because that’s what men are like they just keep
going don’t they no matter what. This day they had less parts nothing was
working today or for a while to come. She looked like she was sleeping to me
nanny I said wake up I want you to tell me a story but she didn’t hear me not
knowing this at a young age but insisted that she open her eyes wondering why
they wouldn’t to myself but dare not ask why? For fear of upsetting someone.
So
I sat there and swung my legs not in a happy manner but in a slow gentle motion
and taught god if I had one wish today I would wish for my nanny to wake up and
smile please god I screamed out loud please let her smile wake up nanny I
shouted wake up but no one heard and nanny was put in the ground this action
astounded me into wondering why we would put her there I shook mammy’s hand and
asked “why are they putting here in the ground “? That’s not her bed I insisted,
but poor mammy’s red raw face from crying just said don’t worry she is going to
see god and Dorrie and help all the angels. Flowers were laid like a garden a
floral one. We had to leave now and there was a party after strange having a
party I taught when nanny is gone celebrating her dying but too young to know
it was the done thing as a mark of respect . We had the food the men had a
drink tea for the ladies hankies all round I had my blue dress with the white collar
on that day which nanny had made for me she made all my clothes sister Laura
would have her fashion eye too later on in life .Everyone would touch me on the
head and say all she is so cute and sweet that’s all people would say thinking
I couldn’t hear but I had ears small but they actually worked. The day was long
it dragged and dragged all I wanted was to go home and settle into my bed to
sleep and did after several hours of all the banter and chat I wasn’t one for
talking when I was young how I would change ha . The days and weeks to follow
would be long and hard on the family but things did eventually get back to
normal mammy took it easy for awhile daddy watched her to make sure she would
be fine like the parents do .
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